So...are we in a recession right now?

Depending on who you ask, America is either entering a golden age, falling into a recession, or plunging into something even worse. Everyone from your brother-in-law who told you to buy Fartcoin to Wall Street traders touting impressive Q1 gains have an opinion on the status of the dreaded R-word.

But what do the bigwigs think about the state of the economy?

White House National Economic Council Director Kevin Hassett said today during a Fox Business Monday interview that he’s 100% sure the US won’t enter a recession this year. Meanwhile, the majority of CEOs disagree with him: According to a survey from Chief Executive, over 60% of CEOs think we’re going to go into a recession in the next six months due to tariff turmoil.

They’re not the only ones. Big banks, including JPMorgan and Goldman Sachs, have upped their odds of a recession since that fateful Liberation Day.

But wait—BlackRock CEO Larry Fink told CNBC last week that we’re “very close, if not in” a recession right at this very moment.

As if that wasn’t enough, famed investor Ray Dalio thinks “something worse than a recession” could be hitting us. He warned that if the fallout from tariffs is handled badly, it could result in geopolitical conflict, and profound changes in the world order. “That could be like the breakdown of the monetary systems of ’71. It could be like 2008. It’s going to be very severe,” he told NBC News’ “Meet the Press” over the weekend.

So, who should you trust?

When all the Street veterans disagree with each other, there’s only one place left to look: the fashion industry.

If we learned anything from the timeless 2001 film Legally Blonde, it’s that beauticians and fashionable young women have their ears to the ground. It turns out that demographic is preparing for a major economic downturn.

Hairdressers report that clients are choosing less expensive treatments—or opting out of glam altogether—as they try to save money. Meanwhile, Google searches for “press on nails” and “blonde to brunette hair” have skyrocketed in the last month, according to the Wall Street Journal, indicating that consumers are taking the cheaper route instead of splashing out on beauty.

Which means there’s really one question all the nation's top economists should be focused on answering: How many bad hair days equal a recession?—LB